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5 Secret Societies You Can Join
September 24th, 2009 by Andrew Sauter  Posted in Career Advice, Humor

We all know that networking is an important part of your job search, but why go to cheesy after 5:00 cocktail events (mostly made up of insurance salesmen) when you can join a secret society? Despite conspiracy theories, in reality most secret societies were the “old-boy” way to make business deals, get away from their wives, drink, smoke cigars and look pompous in general. In fact, the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks (the Elk Lodge) fully admits that it started  “as a private club to elude New York City laws governing the opening hours of public taverns”. Later on they decided, “Hey we have this big club, let’s set up a society around something super awesome, like a big animal with huge antlers!” and thus, the Benevolent and Protective Order of Elks was born.

Most secret societies were white, male and invitation only. With the fall in popularity of secret societies to after hour cocktail parties, these societies are desperate for just anybody. All joking aside, it could actually be in your favor to join for networking reasons.

1. Ancient Order of the Rosicrucian’s

The AOR is the American offshoot of the Rosicrucian Order. The society’s founding, seventeenth century manifestos describe the journey of heroic, mystic pilgrim, Christian Rosenkreuz (some of the unenlightened dispute his existence), who supposedly studied in the Middle East and brought back to Germany a full can of pseudo-mystic whoopass, which he proceeded to open. The modern AOR describes itself as “An Aquarian Age mystery school in the Western Tradition,” which translates into an organization that is one third hippy one-third druid, and one third Dungeons and Dragons. If you enjoy a good neopagan ritual aimed at community with the universal idea of love, the Rosicrucian’s might be right for you.

Download their member application at:

2. Freemasons

The Freemasons are a completely transparent and benign fraternal organization committed to morality and belief in an unspecified supreme being, with no freaky, secretive methods of controlling world leaders or major financial markets. At leas this is what they would have you believe, thus lulling you, dear uninitiated, in a complacent sheep-state in which you will be unable to resist the inevitable Freemason uprising.

Unless, of course, you join them. Start as an Entered Apprentice and learn the secret handshake. No kidding- there really is a secret handshake.

Go to their website and click the giant JOIN NOW!! Button:

3. Opus Dei

Today, there are more than three thousand Opus Dei membership the United States, very few of whom are albino psychopaths. In fact, Opus Dei chapters have partnered successfully with many inner-city charity programs, promoting an agenda of education and spiritual guidance. As a “personal prelature” of the Catholic Church, the jurisdiction of Opus Dei’s bishop isn’t defined to a geo-graphic area; rather, his influence and authority extend to all prelature members, whoever they live or hide.

Note: Opus Dei has nothing to do with Dan Brown or The Da Vinci code, though needless to say, the bestselling book has been quite a recruiting tool.

Go to:

4. Sovereign Military Order of the Temple of Jerusalem

You might have heard the SMOTJ called by another name: the Knights Templar. And how cool is this- you, too, can become a knight. Get the ball rolling by sending a resume and letter of introduction to

The Knights Templar were officially sanctioned by the Catholic Church in the aftermath of the First Crusade, to protect European pilgrims in the Holy Land. Today, the Templar’s traditional weapon, the sword, has lost an s, becoming the word, and modern Knights Templar concern themselves more with antiquarian research and lobbying for the preservation of ancient sites in or near Jerusalem than with lopping off infidel heads.

5. Ordo Templi Orientis

When you picture a secret society, you likely picture something similar to the Ordo Templi Orientis, which includes complex initiation rites, occult rituals, and loose belief in a somewhat abstruse religious concept. In 1904, Aleister Crowley, known to followers as the Great Beast, codified the order’s beliefs in his Book of the Law, the guiding principle of which is “Do what thou wild shall be the whole of the law.”

To join, first practice freeing yourself from inhibition, then go to:
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  • Interesting, but I see no sensible reasons to join any

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