Of course, we know that all jobs are equally important and that all professionals do serious things at work. It is just that sometimes we can’t help ourselves but make a little fun of jobs that we don’t fully understand (or we think we do) by oversimplifying what we think they represent.
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Do NOT put these on your resume!
Presenting Oversimplified Job Descriptions:
• Divorce Lawyer – Help people hate each other.
• College Professor –Talk in other people’s sleep.
• Civil Engineer – Draw up plans for something that will never be built according to those plans.
• Video Game Creator – Teach kids to be evil…or so they say.
• Cinema Concession Stand Attendant – Sell gluttony.
• Government Analyst – Tell people that they can’t spend money they thought they had.
• Microbiologist – Move things from one tube to another.
• Astronomer – Misinterpret the universe.
• B-52 Bomber pilot - Manage urban renewal and pest control.
• Security Guard – Run away and call the police.
• Student – Copy and paste the Internet.
• Lawyer – Take a simple two-way promise and turn it into several complicated one-way promises which neither side can understand or hope to fulfill.
• Musician – Wear a tuxedo and smash metal plates into each other.
• Sailing Instructor – Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds.
• Tax Accountant – Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper.
• Incident Manager – Call people who know what they’re doing and ask them what they’re doing.
• Quality Assurance Tester – Make people feel bad about their work.
• IT Director –Repeatedly fix what you repeatedly break.
• Technical Writer – Write things that no one wants to read.
• Fast Food Employee – Make food that is as healthy before it goes in your body as when it comes back out.
• Student – Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated.
• Physicist – Learn laws created ages ago so you can tell engineers why you are smarter than they are while complaining how it’s a travesty that they get paid more.
• Fireworks Stand Manager – Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism.
• Business Intelligence Consultant – Help people lie consistently to their bosses.
• TV Ads Director – Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truthisms.
