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10 Funny Excuses for Not Going to Work
July 4th, 2010 by Tatiana Varenik  Posted in Humor

  1. Sorry Boss I can’t come into work today…my spirit guide says work is for losers!
  2. I’m just checking to make sure everything is okay with my not coming in today. I hope you haven’t forgotten about our little agreement at last year’s Christmas party.
  3. The dog ate my car keys. We’re going to hitchhike to the vet.
  4. I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I shouldn’t come to work, knowing my employee records may now contain false information.
  5. I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet…
  6. I can’t come to work today because the EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to arrange for helicopter transportation.
  7. I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
  8. I died and won’t be in today. Monday earliest.
  9. The company coffee supply is outta macadamia nut coffee. I have to fly to Hawaii to get some.
  10. A meteor fell through my roof and as I ran from the house to get in the car, an alien swooped down and abducted my car keys, then I got on a bus, which plunged over a cliff. I climbed up the cliff to find a phone to call in late, when someone informed me that my workplace was sucked into a vacuum and wound up in another country. I missed the last flight, so I’ll be late.
And the last one: You were leaving for work. You turned the key in the lock, and, damn, it broke off in the lock! So your SO has already left for work and you can’t leave the house open. You tell them, “I called the locksmith/superintendent, and they’ll be over shortly.”

Wait about two hours, and then call back. “Damn, they’re not here, yet! I just called them and they said they were backed up but they promise to get to me today.”

Call back in about another two hours and say, “I guess I can’t come in today. This is ridiculous. I’m really upset over this.”
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Tags: joke, relationships-at-work, at-work
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